


Grief Before It's Time

by Twi_Writes_Sometimes



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: But no one's died yet, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Joe needs a hug and luckily Nicky is there for him, M/M, Nicky comforts Joe, Nicky will always be there for Joe, uncertainty about the future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:15:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28672113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twi_Writes_Sometimes/pseuds/Twi_Writes_Sometimes
Summary: Joe struggles with the fact that they will lose Andy one day.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 2
Kudos: 70





	Grief Before It's Time

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading friends! Comments are always appreciated I would love to know what you think. 💕💕

Nicky's eyes snapped open and his gut told him something was wrong, maybe not wrong, but certainly off. Joe wasn't in bed with him like usual, but that wasn't anything suspicious. He could be getting a drink or going to the bathroom. 

So why did Nicky feel like he needed to be doing something?

He sat up and looked around the room, his ears straining for any sounds of an intruder. 

Everything seemed fine. 

He noticed the light was on in the bathroom that connected to their room, so at least he knew where Joe was. 

Then he heard it... a sob? 

He was out of bed in an instant and went up to the door without a sound. He pressed his ear against it and heard the dreadful noise of Joe sniffle. Joe definitely didn't have a cold when they had gone to bed and it wasn't cold enough to be the weather. 

He rested his forehead against the door, still making no sound. Why hadn't Joe woken him up? Why didn't he come to him with whatever he was struggling with? 

Well there was only one way to find out. 

"Joe?" He whispered with a light tap on the door, he didn't want to startle him. 

He was sure Joe had heard him in the stillness of the night but there was no answer. 

"Joe." He said a little more desperate, but still barely above a whisper. How could Joe even think of keeping this door between them? But he wouldn't open it, Joe had to be the one to do that. 

It felt like years when in reality it only took seconds for Joe to finally say. "Come in." His voice was muffled and it sounded like he could barely get the words out. 

Nicky didn't need to be told twice. He gently pushed open the door to find Joe sitting on the floor, back pushed up against the tub, knees squeezed tight to his chest, with his face pressed into them. He didn't look up at the sound of the door opening but Nicky saw his body shudder in a near silent sob. 

"Joe? Joe what's wrong? Why are you crying my love?" Nicky asked stepping into the bathroom.

Joe just shook his head, unable or unwilling to talk yet. 

Nicky could see he wasn't ready to come back to bed, and he looked cold despite the comfortable weather, so before Nicky joined him on the floor, he ran back over to the bed and pulled off one of the blankets. 

Back in the bathroom he gently draped it over Joe and then sat down next to him gathering him in his arms. 

Joe let him, snuggling into his chest without a word and continued to cry, a little louder now that he wasn't worried about waking Nicky. 

Nicky waited, if there was something he was good at it was waiting. He gently stroked Joe's curls, periodically placing a kiss on the top of his head, his temple or his hand. "I'm here my love, take your time, it'll be alright, I've got you." He occasionally murmured. He would wait as long as it took for Joe to be able to tell him what was upsetting him. 

He didn't know how long they sat like that. He didn't care, what did time matter when his love's heart was hurting so much he couldn't even talk about it? 

Eventually the tears subsided, Joe was spent from crying. Nicky wasn't even sure he would have the energy to talk anymore, it would probably be best if he got some sleep first. 

"May I take you back to bed?" Nicky whispered in Joe's ear.

Joe, who was absently stroking Nicky's hand with his thumb, nodded. 

Nicky stood up, made sure the blanket was wrapped tight around Joe and carried him back to their bed. 

He carefully laid him down, and placed another blanket on top of him. "To warm?" He asked, concerned. 

Joe shook his head no. 

Nicky crawled in under the blankets, and wrapped his arms around him, as tight as he could while being careful not to make Joe uncomfortable. 

"Sleep." He whispered to Joe. "Get some rest, you are so tired I can feel it in your bones." 

Joe nodded, but before he did he reached over taking Nicky's arm, cradling it to his chest and placing Nicky's hand against his cheek. "Thank you." He whispered. 

"I'm always here for you, goodnight my love, rest now." Nicky whispered, stroking Joe's cheek.

Exhaustion won and Joe was out in an instant. 

Joe didn't sleep as long as Nicky would have liked, although he couldn't talk, he hadn't slept at all. He woke up a few hours after Nicky had put him back to bed, and it looked like he wasn't going to be able to fall asleep again anytime soon. 

Joe stared at him for a few minutes after he woke up and Nicky waited for him to speak first. 

"What have I done to deserve you?" Joe asked, reaching out to tangle his fingers in Nicky's hair. 

"I ask myself that everyday." Nicky said, turning his head to kiss Joe's arm. "Will you tell me what's wrong?" 

Joe's lip quivered just a bit. "It all just kind of hit me at once." He took a deep breathe. "Andy's going to leave us one day. She's... Actually going to die." 

Before Nicky could respond Joe kept talking. "I know we've already had her in our lives longer than any person could dream, and I know that all things die, and it's her time, and honestly it might even be what she wants, but I don't know what life looks like without her. I don't want to know what life looks like without her."

Nicky's breath caught in his chest. This? This is what he'd been crying about? 

"Joe, my love, those words I said in the lab were not meant for you, they did not mean we will not mourn her. We will grieve and we will cry, and we have every right to do so. And if your heart is grieving now you can't ignore that, but." He moved his head forward to rest against Joe's forehead. "You're not alone in this, I'm here and we'll figure it out, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how frightening the future looks, we'll handle it like we always do, together."

Why did he feel the need to keep this from him? To lock himself away instead of talking about it? 

"Will we be able to keep the team together when she's gone?" Joe wondered out loud. 

"Nile will stay with us and Booker will be back when the time comes." Nicky reassured him, he knew how important family was to Joe, to both of them. 

"Andy always leads our team, she's always known what to do." 

"Someone else will fall into that role, and we're a resourceful group we'll just have to put our brains together a little more." Nicky knew there was no replacing Andy, the thought barely crossed his mind, but he also knew that they would carry on even if it took time. After all, what choice did they have? 

He still didn't understand why Joe thought he had to face this alone. Grief was far to heavy a load to carry on your own. 

"I didn't want to hurt you with these thoughts before it was time." Joe admitted, somehow answering his unspoken thoughts. 

"Allowing me to be there for you will never hurt me. I promise, you never have to hide your pain from me." Nicky said with earnest sincerity, he pulled back his head to look in Joe's eyes. "Your pain will always be my pain whether you share it with me or not."

Joe smiled. "I can't hide anything from you. You always know when something's wrong." 

"It's my job, to know." Nicky smiled back then covered Joe's face with soft slow kisses.


End file.
